Being Aware of the Problem & Learning the Importance of Routine

Establish a Daily Routine

My kids are 10 and 7.  I'm going to address the issue of having a daily routine. My kids seem so defiant and the sad part is it is my fault. I hate crushing their happiness. My biggest struggle with my kids is morning routine, homework routine, eating routine and bedtime routine. Yup, I think that those routines probably cover the whole day and the time that they are with me. I'd send them off to school and would be shocked at how well the teachers can get a whole classroom to listen and follow direction and I can't even get my two children to be obedient and go to bed at bedtime, etc. When the kids were younger I was sorta a rebel in the fact that I didn't follow strict timelines or guidelines. In fact I think I may have even taken pride in the fact that I was loose with our schedule. The thing is when they are little their bodies automatically follow a schedule so where did I go wrong. I think once I allowed the outside world to come in I fell off balance. Their friend time wasn't structured and everything I wanted to happen fell out the window. I never found my parenting way back out after that. They followed a loose routine same bed times, nap times, and eating schedules but I never enforced rules or consequences. I didn't set boundaries. Big mistake.

My advice is to start young and to be consistent. Kids thrive on routine and rules and I didn't believe it until now that I'm stuck thinking they should know how to go to bed in twenty minutes not after an hour of pleading and nagging. TV or other screen time isn't priority and neither are friends. I think I used to have the mentality that they only get to enjoy childhood once in their life and to be stress free but boy this is not a good parenting mentality to have. Somehow we got on a non-obedient routine. Teeth aren't being brushed, stories aren't being read and they are constantly eating before bed-time and all I want to do is to go to bed and not argue or plead. I can see all the problems but I don't know why I can't put my foot down and make them do the things that they need to do. So there are my first two steps that I have tackled awareness and being able to identify the problem.

I'm aware of the problem. Loud and clear, oh yes, I am. How do I fix this problem? From what I've witnessed in school is teaching the kids to be on a routine and knowing consequences and to be consistent (my biggest problem). I believe the solution is that simple.

Figure out a routine that works best for your family

Simple as that sounds, finding a routine with consistency, why haven't I done it successfully? I've tried different things and nothing ever sticks. I feel part of my problem is that I'm doing it alone. It takes a village and its hard to be the village by yourself. I have a hard time being an enforcer. Well, this is a new school year and I'm aware of what I need to do and I am ready and willing. The kids are at a great age to learn to be part of the family to make it run smoothly by doing their part.

Figure out how to be consistent and have consistent consequences

For me establishing the routine is easy, it's keeping the kids doing it consistently every day that is the hard part for me. Something comes up and interrupts us one time and we go off kilter. Also, I know that I allow them to get away with things because I hate conflict and battling.

 

Trial and Error

I've read the Magic of 1, 2, 3 by Thomas W. Phelan, and started to apply that philosophy. It worked great for my 7 year old girl but not so much with my 10 year old son. I learned that I was treating the kids like little adults. I was trying to justify and reason with minds that just can't grasp that kind of stuff. I was also always showing too much emotion and or frustration. So I started to be more aware of that. This method was working until I realized I wasn't applying the consequences routinely/daily. I wasn't able to stick with it.

Instant gratification! This seems to be a great system.

I've started a couple of other things too. Again very positive results with my 7 year old but a little more work with my son. I have a mason jar for each of them. It's kind of like filling your bucket. Every time they do their dailies or a chore or nice favor, they get a fuzzball. I'll say a positive affirmation and say, "you earned a fuzzball" This makes them feel good and accomplished. Once they fill up their fuzz jar they earn a dollar. They both are starting to learn the value of money so this is a good motivator for them. This is an easy way for them to get instant gratification. Along with the jars I made poster that clearly states what is expected of them when they wake up and go to bed. My hope is that they see that it's easy to accomplish these things and earn a quick buck. The 7 year old is really good about adding her fuzzballs and has earned several dollars already this summer. The 10 year old isn't great about filling his jar. He may do things that are expected of him but he is not responsible enough to make sure he puts his fuzz ball in. He isn't consistent like the 7 year old.

Morning Dailies. I WANT these to be automatic. I think it's starting to sink in. We started it in the summer I bet when school time starts. It will be easier to be consistent. I still need to learn to be the enforcer.

Sticker charts were great when they were younger.

This never stuck. We had hung it on the door and would move the clothespins over to done after the task was complete.  I think I'm going to use these clothespins to keep track of their dailies. A fuzzball for each clip completed morning and night.

So in addition to what I've already tried, I'm going to go through my pins and my next parenting blog will be pointers from what I learned from the pins. I know I have seen some great stuff on there. This however might have to wait until they start school and I have more time to myself.

Coming soon how to keep consistency and be the enforcer.